Friday, April 9, 2010


I've never been a big fan of the concept of regrets.  That's not to say that I don't have some pretty big things that I wish I had done, or not done, in life.  You can't make it 32 years and not have a few "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" on your list, but I don't really see those as regrets, per se.  Regretting involves dwelling on unresolved issues and continuing to beat yourself up for them.  Most things can be resolved within yourself over time in one way or another.  Sometimes that takes a lot of hard work, and letting yourself off the hook…but still, it’s possible.  You can come to peace with yourself over decisions made, or not made, as you move further away from them.  Because I believe things happen for a reason - even the worst of things - regretting seems like a waste of time.  You are where you are today because this is where God intended you to be today...maybe you didn't take the ideal route to getting here, maybe it was harder than it had to be for you, but hopefully it made you a better person, and nonetheless - here you are.  And it's really just a stopping place along the way.  The opportunity for change is always at your fingertips in one way or another.

See how I made it all sound so neat and tidy?  All of that will sound a little hypocritical when I get to my point here.  I have a regret that's been bugging me.  Actually, I have two.  I call them regrets because they were never resolved with the other party involved, so it's a door that never closes in my mind.  I never made them right.  And every once in a while, they’ll creep up when I least expect it and leave me feeling…well…kind of like a jerk.  Unsettled, to say the least.

The first of these, I have attempted to resolve with the other person and I just never really got a response.  I could be more direct, and maybe that would elicit a response…but a lot of time has passed (we’re talking years here), and that just doesn’t seem like a good plan.  She was a friend I met in my late twenties, and we hit it off right away.  It was like we had known each other for years.  The older I get, the rarer it becomes to just instantly make a friend like that.  But somewhere along the way, something happened.  I can’t even really put a finger on it, but we lost touch.  I saw what was happening and felt like maybe I hadn’t been a good enough friend, maybe it was my fault.  So I sent some emails, made some calls…and…nothing.  No response.  Bewildered, I eventually gave up.  A few months back, she sent me a friend request on Facebook and I thought maybe we were okay after all.  Maybe I just had a vivid imagination, when in reality there were no hard feelings.   Maybe time had healed old wounds.  So I accepted the request, sent a message saying how excited I was to hear from her, asking about her life…and…nothing.  So I’m at an impasse on that one.  Four years after our friendship ended, is it really worth it to send some big “what the heck happened” email?  Or is it just better to let it lie?  If I’m not going to do anything about it, it’s way past time to get over it.
I got a little long-winded on this one, so I’ll save my second regret for next Friday’s post.  But in the meantime, if you have any thoughts on this one, I’d love to hear them.  Have you ever had a similar situation?  I’d love to hear how you handled it, and how it all eventually turned out.

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